“Why is it called a neck beard and not a throatee?” —Ben Appleby
Rugby 7's: The Afterparty Aftermath
- Me: I feel like a pig pooped in my head.
- Ben: I feel like two different people jizzed in my nostrils.
- Me: I feel like someone threw up in my mouth and it gave me diarrhea.
- Ben: Jesus, can we try and keep it hygenic?
“You have a heart as big as a nuclear powered vessel… But Jersey Shore is boasting another level of stupidity.” —My wonderful and brutally honest friend, Miss Jie Chen
“This tiger will whore with a roar.” —Whorenzana, on getting into Columbia grad school.
- Me (hungry): I need something in my mouth.
- Ben: I need to put my something in someone's mouth.
- Ben: You look like Boy George.
- Me: Do you really want to hurt me?
- Bro: You smell like tequila.
- Me: Well you smell like vagina.
“NEW RULE for friends: No destination weddings. I’m not getting on a plane to watch you black out or pretend you’re a virgin in another country.” —Donald